I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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