Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
