Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
