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I just threw up on my dentist
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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