When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
