The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
