im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
