I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
