If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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