She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We're too hungover to prance.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
