hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
