**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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