Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
