Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
