sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
