please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
