my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
