His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my fart just growled at me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
