Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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