to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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