Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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