babies were throwing up all over the place
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
