found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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