I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
