i permit you to call me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
