I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
