We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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