Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
