He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
