Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
