I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
