I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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