let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
