I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
