It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
