You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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