I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
should my penis look like a turkey
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
