I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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