I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
