The maid of honor just puked.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
