A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
