he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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