Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
