Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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