Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
