I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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