you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
