eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
