the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Plan B is the new Plan A
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
