yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
