Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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