Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
