Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
